I guess you could say that it was in the darkest and deepest moments of a valley season that these four words quite literally jumped into my Spirit.
“He washed Judas’ feet”
And for the next few months I obsessively dwelt on and meditated on these words :
HE WASHED JUDAS’ FEET!
How could He? Why would He? I don’t understand how He did it.
I myself had just experienced an horrific betrayal that hurt me on so many levels so it wasn’t too much of a shock when this thought began to marinate in my mind. Who better to understand me and what I was going through, than my beautiful Jesus, who – though obviously betrayed so publicly by Judas – was really betrayed by all of mankind! Gosh! Almost incomparable!
We know this story well (if you need a refresher, you can read it in John 13), but just think about it – Jesus, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Jesus, who will come back to earth as a conquering King and reign over all, knelt down on the ground to wash the tired and dirty feet of the man who sold Him out.
Unlike us when we are blindsided by betrayal, Jesus knew what Judas was about to do, and still chose to serve him in such a humble way. And that’s the part that really gets me… knowing full well the true state of Judas’ heart, his motives and intentions, Jesus still chose to show love, compassion and kindness towards His betrayer.
I literally cannot get past that thought!
If ever you have doubts about how lovely Jesus is… just think about this, because in truth, Judas represents all of us.
We have all turned away from Jesus at some point or another.
We have all chosen self.
We have all betrayed Him.
We have all done it. And just like in Judas’ case, Jesus has still chosen to love and save us. Just put your name there! Jesus chose to go to the cross for YOU before you had chosen Him. Jesus chose to go to the cross for the countless people who have died without choosing Him. It breaks my heart to think about!
"but God shows His love for us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us." Romans 5.8
Have you ever wondered how Judas must have felt when, on His knees, Jesus invited him to have his feet washed? What an intimate and humbling moment. I’d like to think that for me the conviction would have taken over and I would have run out of the room in tears, but not for Judas. (He didn’t just allow the washing to happen, but as we read later in scripture, he chose to stay for the entire meal, until Jesus excused him!)
Did he feel regret as he looked into Jesus’ love filled eyes? What about shame? Was that something he felt? Perhaps Judas was so broken and so disillusioned and deceived that he had convinced himself that he was doing the right thing and that he was entitled to be served by Jesus! Sorry, I’m back at the fact that – He let Jesus wash his feet! How Judas? How did you manage to sit through it?
Unfortunately and undoubtedly, we will all most likely encounter a Judas, or maybe even two, in our lives. Someone we bring in close. Someone we open our lives to. Someone we serve and treat with kindness and compassion, only to be hurt and betrayed by them. And the unfathomable thing about betrayal… the person doing it knows full well what they are doing!
Unlike Jesus, we have no clue and are caught off guard.
If you have experienced this, I am so sorry. Truly, truly, I am so sorry. I want to remind you that we serve such an amazing God, He has been through and experienced every hardship and human disappointment and emotion that we could ever go through. The story of Jesus washing Judas’ feet is captured in a few words in scripture, and the author was not privy to knowing the depth of what Jesus felt in that moment.
I in no way am trying to speak for the Lord or imply that I know, but I can only imagine that Jesus felt disappointment and sadness and loss. Know that if you have faced betrayal He knows how you feel. He understands the pain and disappointment. He cares so deeply for your heart and is walking through this season with you.
So, what do we do when we face a Judas’?
Spiritually : We kneel down and wash their feet! We follow the example of our beautiful Jesus. This might take some time before you get here, but in my own experience, this was the goal. I know that this seems completely and utterly unfair. It is possibly one of the hardest things we could ever do, but it is the Kingdom way, it’s God’s way, to live a life of forgiveness and kindness even in the face of hurt. • Grieve and process your loss (it’s also ok to be angry, you’ve experienced an injustice) • Forgive the person and give them over to God. This does not mean that you have to let them back into your life. But forgiveness is critical for your healing and growth journey. • Pray for them and trust that they will have a radical encounter with the love of God and come to a place of repentance. Pray that they would recognise the deception and lies and live in the freedom that has been won for them.
Practically : Actively process the loss and trauma of what you have experienced. Betrayal can feel like grief, which brings up an array of emotions – anger, humiliation, disappointment, loss.
• Talk to wise counsel. Someone who can walk a journey of healing with you and who can love and challenge you to keep going.
• Be kind to yourself. There is no time line to when you should feel “healed”.
I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. John13.15
If you are in a season of grief/loss, if your heart feels battered and weary, if you feel like you have been so deeply hurt, I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. But one thing I know for absolute certain is that our God will meet you on your knees. There is hope, there is healing and there is redemption. Keep walking. Keep trusting. Your journey does not end here.
With love, Cailin x
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